The Three People You Meet After Diagnosis

Since my journey to diagnosis began 2 years ago, I have received comments of all kinds about my many medical conditions.  Being diagnosed with Crohn’s, Infertility, and Migraines, there are a number of medical options and testing routes to discuss, people to share with, and different types of people you will encounter.  (See My Crohn’s & Infertile Myrtle).

There are 3 specific types of people I have met since my journey began: The Cruel, The Insincere, and, The Genuine.  While, everyone may not be able to relate, I have noticed a change in how people communicate with you after a diagnosis that doesn’t have a cure.

...if only.  Migraine / Chronic Headaches.  Help us help others!  http://MigraEase.com #migraine #headache #allnatural:

The Cruel

I could NEVER see myself putting someone down or poking fun at someone else, especially not for a diagnosis that is out of their control.  I never use the R word, and I try not to intentionally hurt others, because, well, I’m human, and it’s the right thing to do.

I have received love and hopefulness, but I have received a number of spiteful comments, surprisingly.  My ‘body’ weaknesses have often been turned into blackmail and ammunition, with me being the constant running joke to hometown ‘friends’.  I have been the victim of adult bullying and online slander, from people I would never have guessed.

There are still some details of my life I have tried to keep private, like any sane couple, but some think that it’s okay to share those intimate details with others, despite my wishes against it.  Incorrect versions have been shared by these sources, lest they forget, this is MY story to share.  If you have questions, then feel free to ask ME, I will share.

My life.  My choices.  My problems. My mistakes.  My lessons. Not your business. Mind your own problems before you talk about mine. My life is not your story to tell. Lessons Learned In Life:

Some individuals have blamed ME for my body issues, saying that I deserve them.  Some have blamed ME for my Infertility, migraines, and, my Crohn’s diagnoses, saying it’s Karma’s form of punishment.  I have even been told to kill myself – these comments are always shocking to see.

While those comments are rare, they are more than cruel.  Those comments are beyond painful and don’t help the situation, they only hurt me more.  This negativity sticks with you, echoing in the back of your mind, in an already difficult situation.  It makes you question yourself and dislike yourself, a little bit more each time.  Anyone with a diagnosis, new or old, can tell you that it’s best to be kind.  We can’t control it and we didn’t cause it, and definitely don’t give us ‘advice’ on what we are ‘doing wrong’ with our lives.

The 3 C's of AlAnon:  I didn't cause it.  I can't control it.  I can't cure it www.BarbaraCoferStoefen.com:

The Insincere

I have received multiple ‘ trying to help’ messages, with information on how I am the one causing my Infertility/Crohn’s, through the things I eat or the products I use, etc.  There are also individuals who take your diagnosis as an invitation for unsolicited kindness, while also trying to sell you their product – it’s not the time or place for it.

I am not the first to share their personal stories, inviting others into my life, and I’m sure others have received messages like this before, too.  I have had individuals try to sell me vitamins, candles, makeup and, whatnot – things that will ‘help’ my issues.  No, I’m not buying your product because your messages tell me 2 things:

  1.  Your ‘wish you well’ messages to me aren’t genuine.  How often do you send ‘heartfelt’ messages, while also ‘subtly’ mentioning your product?  You were trying to sell me products or services while playing off my diagnoses.  You use my negative news to give your medical ‘insight’ as to what I’m doing wrong, while also trying to sell me your brand or get another like on your page.  And when I reply to you, and you don’t even read my message, it shows how little you truly care.
  2. Your message tells me that you didn’t take the time to read my posts or story before messaging me.  Big Mistake.  While you offer your opinion and express your ‘expertise’ on my infertility, based on a story titled “What I Don’t Want to Hear as a Woman Dealing with Infertility“, you are telling on yourself.  It literally tells you in the title that I don’t want to hear it, especially if you are only offering advice or soliciting.  If you hadn’t been selfish and actually read about my journey, your message would not have been sent to me at all.  If you had read it, you would have truly understood what I am going through and you would have been discouraged to offer your product as a cure.  If you had read it, you would not have tried to tell me “why” I’m infertile or “why” I have Crohn’s or “why” I have migraines. Your message tells me that you didn’t take the time to read my story, so I won’t take the time to buy your product, even if we are Facebook “friends”.  Thanks, but no thanks, to you and your ‘miracle’ product.

I can’t see me going into my doctor’s office, trying to explain to them that it’s my shampoo or mascara that’s secretly causing my Crohn’s disease or Infertility.  Try telling that to the hundreds of thousands of doctors who are still searching for cures and reasoning for chronic illnesses.  Who knew I just needed flax-seed oil and I’m cured? Ha!  It’s not how this works.  After years of testing and procedures, I think the licensed medical doctors know more about what is going on.

confessions-of-a-MSer  ….and suddenly, they all became doctors.:

The Genuine

But to the genuine souls, the people going out of their way to help another, I thank you.  I thank you for reading, sharing, and offering up hope to people like me.  I thank you for taking the time to wish me well, and I thank you for sharing my journey, and the journey of others, with people who share the same issues.

Since my journey to diagnosis began, I have received a plethora of messages and comments wishing me and my family well.  People I don’t even know are worried about my diagnosis, the disease, and how to help.  And the people I do know, they are taking the time to read and share my story, too.  All the kindness really does help those with a diagnosis.  I’m sure we all have those people who are making our lives with a chronic illness a little better, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart!!  You are the reason it’s easy to share and create awareness. The others know who they are.

And if you haven’t, tell someone you know that you love them today and be sincere!

But, I guess, It Could Be Worse.

Baby Horsley Fund Now Open at Go Fund Me

More Info On Crohn’s Disease at www.CCFA.org & CrohnsandColitis.com & crohnsdisease.com

For more information about infertility and the VA, please visit Resolve & VA.Gov

Update: So You’re Sayin There’s A Chance, 5 Thing’s You Shouldn’t Say & Infertility is a Sadness

I did not ask for your advice. I do not want your suggestions. I definitely don't want your snarky comments....:

Also Featured on the Huffington Post

Previous Post: The Last Time I Cried & Another Week in My Crohn’s Life

Images Mine or from Pinterest

What I Don’t Want to Hear as a Woman Dealing with Infertility – Featured on The Mighty

 

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. sbach1222 says:

    I am so sorry hun that you have to deal with those cruel people! I knew people were cruel, but to say THOSE things? No one deserves that, CERTAINLY not you.

    Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the kind words. Its hard, but you can’t let it get to you. Wishing you well too!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. crohnsmamas says:

    Oh yeah it’s like food poisoning isn’t it ? That’s what I get ! Wishing you to keep strong – feel your pain immensely ! From one to another x

    Like

    1. That’s so right! Its like a weekly dose of food poisoning! Ha! Thank you for reading and thank you for sharing. *Hugs*

      Like

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