“Oh, you’re still young.” – A comment I have become familiar with, as part of a couple struggling with infertility for the past 4 years. People use this comment like age has anything to do with our issues.
The young can suffer from infertility.
The young can be barren.
During an ultrasound, in between the poking, prodding, and small talk, the nurse asked me how long my husband and I had been ‘trying’ for a child. My response – almost 4 years, her reply – “Oh, you’re still young”, as if time will help our problems and a few more years will cure our issues. All I want to say is it’s only going to get harder for us!
“Oh, you’re still young.” – Because, to you, being young means plenty more time to try. What do you think we have BEEN doing these last 4 years?!? There’s a reason I am here with you, lady. I’m NOT getting this ultrasound because I’m young or because I enjoy them.
We may be young, but we still have our issues. Is 4 years not a significant time of waiting already? Are my 4 years of suffering any less important because I’m young? And there still may be a chance that our next doctor visit could inform us that we have NO chance. How is our youth going to help us then?
Being young has nothing to do with our problems. When you have an issue like ours, time will not help you and time will not fix you. We literally have to pay for a chance at a miracle, no guarantee it will work. Possibly, we will do this more than once. See So You’re Sayin’ There’s A Chance?
“Oh, you’re still young.” – My mom likes to tell me this, and she likes to say ‘just give it time, it will happen, have faith’, yadda-yadda-yadda, and it makes my blood boil. No, that’s not how this works.
“Oh, you’re still young.” – It’s not the first time I’ve been told this, and it probably won’t be the last.
Infertility has no cure, none. You wouldn’t offer up more time as a cure for any other disease, so why would this cure our issues?
Other than figuring out what options you still have available to you, what you can afford, and what you have working in your body before it’s too late and your biologic clock stops ticking. Time is not on our side.
I like to think of infertility as a Venn diagram, with 3 factors involved toward the goal: the Sperm, the Money, and the Eggs. As long as you have at least two of those, then Miracle Baby just might be in your future, but even then, it’s not a guarantee.
If you have money and healthy semen, then possibly surrogacy, adoption, or egg donors can help your future. If you have healthy eggs and enough money, then possibly a sperm donor or adoption is in your future.
If you have healthy eggs and healthy sperm, then you’re probably not struggling with infertility, and you’re probably not reading this. And if you’re lucky enough to have all 3 factors working for you, then you fall into my Fertile Myrtle category, and I am very, very happy for you! I would never wish infertility on anyone.
As you can see from my colorful Venn diagram above, age and time are not factors and being too young is never systemic of the disease. I could be in my 40’s and struggle with the same issues of infertility. I could be in my 30’s and struggle with the same issues of infertility. And I can be in my 20’s and be struggling with the same issues of infertility. Yes, things like Menopause are a guarantee, but every female will go through that, not everyone will suffer from infertility. Time is not on our side.
Just because we are young, it doesn’t mean we are cured with enough waiting or a few more years added. Time is not on our side and age isn’t our problem. Being young does not guarantee fertility, in fact, it’s the exact opposite.
In just 2 years I will be 30. I know, you’re thinking I’m still young, right? Consider this, if we don’t conceive by then, then my egg reserve will have already been dropping, with roughly only 12% remaining, with quantity AND quality declining in those following years. Time is not on my side. Not only do the egg’s diminish, but the risks for problems, like miscarriages, become more prevalent. So, with more time, along with male fertility factors, we will have to worry about female fertility problems too.
Couples like ours aren’t struggling with an age issue, we are struggling with a medical issue, a poor prognosis from medical doctors.
5 years ago, our results would have been the same. 5 years from now, our results will be the same.
So, before you offer up “Oh, you’re still young”, think about the 4-year struggle this ‘young’ person has already endured and think about the 4-year struggle this ‘young’ person already suffered.
Think about the years this ‘young’ person has to look forward to.
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We tried for 2 years and then Fell pregnant i was told by our obstetrician that I was lucky to fall pregnant. Since I have IBD and one (at the time) surgery under my belt my chances had dropped by 25% now we are trying again 2 years later I’m nearly at the big 30 and have two abdominal surgeries and one cesarean. I don’t feel like I have a bright future fertility wise. So in one sense I totally know how you feel but on the other hand I don’t because my body didn’t hate me for long enough to conceive my daughter. I just hope that one way or another you are able to become parents. Much love xx
I am glad you were able to conceive, and I am sorry that you suffer with IBD. I know the surgeries had to have been hard. I have been lucky so far to not have any surgeries other than my abscess and fistulotomy. I hope you have found relief for your IBD! I will have to read your page and see your story. 🙂
I hate the “You’re still young” comments, almost as much as I hate the “It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.” They wouldn’t say that to someone looking for a job, they’d say work to get that job. I’m working to get that baby.
Anyways, thanks for sharing! It helps to hear other people who feel the same way I do.
I know! Some comments just turn my stomach in anger, because its never seen as a problem, just that we sufferers trying for that baby need to try harder or try longer, when sometimes that doesn’t help. My mom says ‘It’ll happen’, but what if it doesn’t? I wish more people understood.
I wish you luck in your baby journey!!!! Fingers crossed!
Totally hate the “you’re still young” comment. First of all, I’m actually not! Second of all, it’s just dismissive. Infertility is a disease. And you are so right, there are so many illnesses out there that are legitimate and people treat as such, why is infertility always overlooked? Just annoying and frustrating.
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Exactly my thoughts! Everyone dismisses it as a game of chance, and they offer up Kore trying next month. Like, do they even listen?! It is irritating.
Sending you some luck 🍀!
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