“Oh, you’re still young.” – A comment I have become familiar with, as part of a couple struggling with infertility for the past 4 years. People use this comment like age has anything to do with our issues.
The young can suffer from infertility.
The young can be barren.
During an ultrasound, in between the poking, prodding, and small talk, the nurse asked me how long my husband and I had been ‘trying’ for a child. My response – almost 4 years, her reply – “Oh, you’re still young”, as if time will help our problems and a few more years will cure our issues. All I want to say is it’s only going to get harder for us!
“Oh, you’re still young.” – Because, to you, being young means plenty more time to try. What do you think we have BEEN doing these last 4 years?!? There’s a reason I am here with you, lady. I’m NOT getting this ultrasound because I’m young or because I enjoy them.
We may be young, but we still have our issues. Is 4 years not a significant time of waiting already? Are my 4 years of suffering any less important because I’m young? And there still may be a chance that our next doctor visit could inform us that we have NO chance. How is our youth going to help us then?
Being young has nothing to do with our problems. When you have an issue like ours, time will not help you and time will not fix you. We literally have to pay for a chance at a miracle, no guarantee it will work. Possibly, we will do this more than once. See So You’re Sayin’ There’s A Chance?
“Oh, you’re still young.” – My mom likes to tell me this, and she likes to say ‘just give it time, it will happen, have faith’, yadda-yadda-yadda, and it makes my blood boil. No, that’s not how this works.
“Oh, you’re still young.” – It’s not the first time I’ve been told this, and it probably won’t be the last.
Infertility has no cure, none. You wouldn’t offer up more time as a cure for any other disease, so why would this cure our issues?
Other than figuring out what options you still have available to you, what you can afford, and what you have working in your body before it’s too late and your biologic clock stops ticking. Time is not on our side.
I like to think of infertility as a Venn diagram, with 3 factors involved toward the goal: the Sperm, the Money, and the Eggs. As long as you have at least two of those, then Miracle Baby just might be in your future, but even then, it’s not a guarantee.
If you have money and healthy semen, then possibly surrogacy, adoption, or egg donors can help your future. If you have healthy eggs and enough money, then possibly a sperm donor or adoption is in your future.
If you have healthy eggs and healthy sperm, then you’re probably not struggling with infertility, and you’re probably not reading this. And if you’re lucky enough to have all 3 factors working for you, then you fall into my Fertile Myrtle category, and I am very, very happy for you! I would never wish infertility on anyone.
As you can see from my colorful Venn diagram above, age and time are not factors and being too young is never systemic of the disease. I could be in my 40’s and struggle with the same issues of infertility. I could be in my 30’s and struggle with the same issues of infertility. And I can be in my 20’s and be struggling with the same issues of infertility. Yes, things like Menopause are a guarantee, but every female will go through that, not everyone will suffer from infertility. Time is not on our side.
Just because we are young, it doesn’t mean we are cured with enough waiting or a few more years added. Time is not on our side and age isn’t our problem. Being young does not guarantee fertility, in fact, it’s the exact opposite.
In just 2 years I will be 30. I know, you’re thinking I’m still young, right? Consider this, if we don’t conceive by then, then my egg reserve will have already been dropping, with roughly only 12% remaining, with quantity AND quality declining in those following years. Time is not on my side. Not only do the egg’s diminish, but the risks for problems, like miscarriages, become more prevalent. So, with more time, along with male fertility factors, we will have to worry about female fertility problems too.
Couples like ours aren’t struggling with an age issue, we are struggling with a medical issue, a poor prognosis from medical doctors.
5 years ago, our results would have been the same. 5 years from now, our results will be the same.
So, before you offer up “Oh, you’re still young”, think about the 4-year struggle this ‘young’ person has already endured and think about the 4-year struggle this ‘young’ person already suffered.
Think about the years this ‘young’ person has to look forward to.
Also on Huffington Post
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