Considering I have been diagnosed with an incurable disease like Crohn’s, I feel I have every right to be upset, and to be upset often, if that’s how I decide to cope with my issues. If you were put in my shoes sometimes, you would be troubled too.
I am struggling with this incurable issue, a poor prognosis from medical doctors, something not easily fixable.
But to the outside world, I can come off bitter or derisive.
I have every right to be angry about my issues, because they are a major ordeal to me, lest you forget they are mine to deal with.
But to you, I’m needy and negative.
These diseases and illnesses don’t just happen, they happen to you and to your family – you do not get a choice.
Feeling bad, fatigue, night sweats, headaches, skin sores, joint pain, vomiting, stomach cramps, insomnia, and overall bowel ISSUES, are the worst. But try dealing with them for 2+ years, stressing and worrying, living everyday dwelling about these issues.
My body hurts and my mind gets tired. I look at myself in the mirror and I find problems that weren’t there the day before. I look at my Crohn’s body, trying to see if there are any visible signs of my illness, for sores, for pain, for bruises.
I live in my bathroom most days. I try to keep up with my problems and symptoms, because I know it’ll up and vanish on the day of my appointment, go figure.
Most days I won’t even eat until dinner, I haven’t been able to keep that down lately, usually because my stomach just feels wrong. I have to worry about having issues in public, at any given time. I want to not be embarrassed to show my face or skin, and I want to be able to feel ‘well’.
To some, staying at home and not working would be an ideal lifestyle, but some have no idea what I am dealing with every day.
Every. Single. Day.
These issues are a big deal to my family and my future, and they can lead to even more problems, like more emergency surgeries or hospital stays.
But to you, I’m just angry and dramatic.
Truthfulness about my disease is not negativity. Imagine your life with an ailment or illness of any kind. Imagine how it would affect you, and how it would affect other participants in your life.
These diseases and illnesses don’t just happen, they happen to you and to your family — you do not get a choice.
For2+ years, I’ve dealt with feeling bad, fatigue, night sweats, headaches, skin sores, joint pain, vomiting, stomach cramps, insomnia, and overall bowel issues. They’re the worst. On top of that is the stress and worry that comes with living with these issues every day.
But to you, I’m just sick and expect something from the world.
Think about the years this ‘young’ person has to look forward to. That’s why I’m bothered. I am afraid these issues will never get better.
But to you, I’m just weak and disagreeable.
But to you, I’m just scathing and negativistic.
I have every right to be cross. I am afraid that nothing can be right within my body. I have every right to be bitter and concerned by my circumstances. I know it could be worse, but I have every right to worry about what’s next, and that’s what so scary about it. I have every right to dwell on my symptoms because that’s my life.
But to you, I’m just angry-at-the-world and anxious.
Like other sufferers, we can’t control it and we didn’t cause it. This struggle is what we get to look forward to for the rest of our lives.
This struggle is what I get to look forward to for the rest of my life.
So what if I’m bitter?? I might be.
But, It Could Be Worse.
Thank you for reading, and for keeping up with My Crohn’s Journey.
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More Info On Crohn’s Disease at www.CCFA.org & CrohnsandColitis.com & crohnsdisease.com
Previous Posts:
Pill-Cam Result’s & My Crohn’s Plan
So Your Sayin’ There’s A Chance?
Infertile Myrtle More Tests For Mary
Also on The Mighty, Huffington Post, HealthforHuman, and others.
itcouldbeworseblog.com 
People who don’t live with this disease themselves have no idea what we have to live with on a daily basis. No one has the right to tell us how to act, how to deal or how to cope when it comes down to our body and our illness.. We certainly did NOT choose for this to happen to us and never deserve for anyone to tell us we are in the wrong for how we feel. Like everyone, I try to put up my brave face and keep going but ya know what? I, like everyone, have the right to break down from time to time. Put healthy person into our shoes to live a day in our life. At the end of the day when asked how their day was and they reply how they had a hellish day of getting up and down, spending most the day in the bathroom. Cramping, feverish, exhausted, nauseous… How would they feel if told ‘by the way, this will be your forever’. See how happy they are then and how they feel when they are told to suck it up. I think that gives us rights to be bitter from time to time, having good and bad days.
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You’re reading my mind. I truly hope you/we/everyone can find relief, but don’t blame me/us for getting angry/bitter from time to time about the shitty hand we’ve been dealt. *hugs*
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Exactly and I really hope so too! Keep that chin up girl! Hugs!
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Great post! I have a chronic disorder myself and know exactly what you mean! It’s so hard for people around to to truly get it
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Its so difficult to let people know my negativity is how I cope with my disease sometimes. Its a ‘new’ diagnosis, so I want to grieve for what I have lost and dwell on the disease I gained. Wishing you well!
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I’ve had Crohn’s for twenty years. And know exactly what you are saying.
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I hope you have found relief in that 20 years! Wishing you well!
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